Share your Table top RPG stories

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Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by Tony Velez on Tue Jul 28, 2015 5:53 pm

I thought this would be an interesting thread for those of us who play tabletop RPG's (D&D, Pathfinder, Dragon Age, etc)

Here you can share crazy/awesome/funny/crazy awesome and funny stories that happened to your character(s,) to your party, or during a gaming session.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by Tony Velez on Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:07 pm

I remember, my party was once hired by a businessman to explore the South Pole in search of a rare mineral called unobtanium. (yeah, yeah, I know.)

On the way, our raft (the businessman was too much of a cheapskate to spend money on a real boat) got swallowed up by an alien whale that we called Monstro. I was playing a Pixie at the time. This is relevant.

In searching for an escape, our party got separated (we have the tendency to do that. We just never learn.) I wound up in Monstro's brain. I used my tiny little rapier -- roughly the size of a toothpick -- and I stabbed Monstro's brain until it died.

And that's the story of how a tiny Pixie Skald solo'd an aberrant whale.

Now let me tell you about the time my adventuring party decided to storm Hell and depose its king.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by kryptoknight on Tue Jul 28, 2015 8:17 pm

Some years back during high school, my friends and I had a regular D&D game. Our Comp teacher would let us use her room after school, because she was awesome like that. We weren't super serious and often allowed funny moments that technically may not have worked quite within the bounds of the rules.

One of my favorite moments went like this: Our party was exploring a cave system being used by a cult as their base of operations. It was far larger than we had believed it to be, so in the interest of saving time, we split up.

Setting out on my own, I took what had appeared to be a vacant barracks to conduct my search. At first nothing unusual happened. I looted the room and looked for clues about the cult's numbers and motivation. As I turned to leave, a guard entered the room.

This set off alarm bells. I was a low-level sorcerer at the time. With no useful spells left and no other way out, I have no choice but to try and fight my way free. I attack and, of course, I roll a Natural 1, causing my dagger to break.

My dagger is gone. After the guard takes a couple swipes at me my HP is low.

It's just me, my rat familiar, and no way out.

Out of desperation I cry out, "I throw my rat at the guard's nuts."

The DM sputters. "Huh?"

"I throw my rat at him, using our empathic link to convey the sense that there is delicious cheese in his pants."

He stares. Finally the DM says, "Okay... First roll a strength check to throw the rat, then roll against AC to see if you hit what you aim for, finally roll a skill check to see if you can manage to convince the rat that the guard’s nuts are food. If you can actually make all these I'll allow it." He does some math behind a screen and tells me to roll.

First is the Strength check. I make a quick prayer to anyone listening and roll.

The DM raises an eyebrow and informs me I barely made it. The rat is successfully lobbed.

Next is the to-hit roll. I cross my fingers and roll again. Natural 20.

The DM blinks and tells me to roll to confirm for a critical.

I roll again. Another Natural 20.

The DM informs me I am a lucky S.O.B. and that I need to look into the Lotto later.

Now that my noodle-armed sorcerer has not only managed to hit what I aimed, for critical damage, all I had to do was roll to see if I could convey my impressions to my rat.

I crossed my fingers again and prepared myself for the likely possibility that I'd be rolling up a new character soon. Then the die shows 19.

The DM blinks a few times, looks at something behind his board, and I can see him scratching out some kind of math on scrap paper. He looks at me with a grin and a raised eyebrow and says, "Congratulations. You've not only managed to fling your loyal trusting familiar into your enemy's crotch, but you've also convinced him that there is lots of yummy, yummy cheese within. The rat immediately starts to tear into him, the poor bastard. The guard is running around attempting to dislodge the offending rodent. Given the location and nature of the attack go ahead and roll 4d4, times 2 for the crit.”

I did so and reported the results. The DM shook his head and informed me the guard is, to his own sweet relief, dead.

I was so proud of that familiar!
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by HarveyT on Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:36 pm

How much for the rights of that movie?
My story is boring now, I pass my turn.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by Scarlet Sasquatch on Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:39 pm

The one time I played D&D my friend (who was also new to the game) was a paladin and decided to pray for the soul of a dead NPC. Without anyone saying he had to, he just decided to roll for religion and got a 1. The DM turned to him slowly and said "You send him to hell."

Every once in a while I still laugh about that.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by HarveyT on Tue Jul 28, 2015 10:21 pm

Bwahaha, that's why I never roll unless told to.
We had a player with a pocket full of magic tokens they used to grow these trees, they were talking to someone about their god, they said something along the line of "Well that's a stupid god". He had forgotten to place his hand on his head which means we're talking OOC, so the DM decided to roll to see if his god heard him, the god did, so his god (of nature) made all of the tree tokens active making a full forest sprout, he survived this somehow but while running rode his steed of the edge of mountain and exploded on impact with the water
Everyone ALWAYS specified OOC after that.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by The Themysciran on Tue Jul 28, 2015 10:53 pm

I love playing VTM with good players, but sometimes you get players who just want to be a TOTAL BADASS VAMPIRE Gary Stu, but dont want to put their characters in any danger. So they get stuck in pissing contests and posturing and not actually doing anything.

With storyteller approval, when this happens my Lasombra rolls up and sets the building on fire. It always get a stagnant scene moving and Gary Stu has to make a panic check.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by Tony Velez on Wed Jul 29, 2015 3:31 am

We once had a player who made a Snow White expy. Her name was Marigold.

She had split personalities. Her usual personality was the standard naive and kind Snow White. Her other personality? A sadistic sociopath who would use her hypnotic voice to command all the nearby woodland critters (we were in the Feywild, there were plenty of them) to viciously disembowel our enemies.

The more enemies the woodland critters disemboweled, the more she'd maniacally laugh. She also got a near-terrifying amount of pleasure from watching her own army of blue-jays and rabbits getting torn to shreds by enemy goblins. She was one of the more fun characters we've ever played with. She was also Maleficent's daughter. Because of course.

Now let me tell you about the time we may have sorta kinda accidentally released Tharizdun, the Chained God and lord of Madness, from his prison at the bottom of the abyss. Yeah...we're still paying for that one.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by Laurelinde on Wed Jul 29, 2015 10:51 am

Oh cripes, I wish I'd recorded all the sessions from the first campaign I played with my current group. I think I spent about 90% of it in tears of laughter, desperately reaching for my inhaler. My, er, shining moment in that campaign probably came when we had been loaned a ship to go investigate something on another continent, only to be betrayed (it turned out the family we had borrowed the ship from were evil slavers.) We managed to navigate back to their docks and got in a big fight. Several rounds later, I shouted 'We brought your boat back!!' but by that time everyone was already dead. The other players found that funny enough that that became the group's motto (and it was suggested that was even engraved on the city's coins, since my character had become the local ruler.)

My last character was an undine priestess on a pirate ship (and kind of a hippy/ditz) who once asked 'Why are we attacking this ship again?' (The answer was, 'because we're pirates!!! In my defence I thought there might be a reason we picked that particular ship, since we'd made enemies of some trading company.)

The one before that was an Argonian priestess of Kynareth in a Skyrim campaign whose go-to move in battle was to hide in the nearest body of water with only her eyes peeping out. Once I rolled a 1 while we were out at sea and Kynareth somewhat randomly smote another vessel for reasons no one could ever quite fathom. (Oops.)

Then there is my current character, a bloodthirsty halfling warrior who worships the Pie Goddess, who nobody else believes is real.

Aaand, there is always the campaign where we ended up in fey realms and most of the party got completely off their heads on some kind of psychotropic fey ambrosia, but as we like to say, what happens in Feygas, stays in Feygas. tongue

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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by Aeryl on Wed Jul 29, 2015 12:20 pm

We were playing the Buffy tabletop game. We created our own characters, post-Chosen, but it had more of an Angel vibe. Our big villain was a bank for demons*.

So to get some artifact, we had to rob the bank. When we made the call to do that, the GM called for a break, because they had to build the mission from scratch. Took him two weeks to design the traps and security we would have to defeat.

So finally, we prepped to rob the bank, and our witch cast a spell for disguise and rolled a 20. So we were able to walk past every obstacle and were done in a few minutes, walking in and out. Two weeks worth of prep out the window, I felt so bad. He finally got us by having the people we were impersonating walk into the bank as we were leaving, so he at least forced us to fight.

*It veered hardcore into freeing demons from economic exploitation of the evil bankers. I loved it.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by kryptoknight on Wed Jul 29, 2015 2:04 pm

We've got some real gems here.  I love it!

Another favorite of mine goes back to a Wheel of Time RPG game.  I was playing a Wilder named Garen.  Looking back I realize that the whole story hinges on both myself and the GM misinterpreting how the Warmth weave worked.  (Reading it now I realize it regulates the environment around from certain temperatures to a comfortable one.  Back then I thought it allowed me to generate/drain warmth into/from an environment.)

Our little party had been a lot since our Aes Sedai NPC snagged us all up.  Multiple ambushes from brigands and assassins, trollocs, and even a draghkar.  Finally several misadventures into the campaign we finally managed to defeat the latest group of assassins, without killing them all.  Myself and a couple of the other more morally flexible party members wanted to question him for information.  Aggressively.  The Aes Sedai NPC would have none of it, nor would our would-be soldier who was aiming to become her warder.  They wanted to drag him with us so he could face the justice in Tar Valon.

When we took a break to eat pizza I pulled my fellow morally questionable players aside under the guise of a smoke break.  We hatched a plan.  It was dark and the party was getting ready to make camp.  When the Aes Sedai was sleeping our rougish Wanderer would slip out of camp and myself and our Woodsman would raise the alarm and say we saw him being dragged off into the woods by a pair of shady looking men.  We would offer to stay and guard the prisoner while our more dangerous (and righteous) companions went to search for him.  With a few lucky rolls it all went off without a hitch.

Then, with our obstacles gone, the Wanderer slipped back into camp and together he, the Woodsman, and I proceeded to really freak out our GM by straight up torturing the assassin for info.

Wanderer: Who sent you?
Assassin: ...
Wanderer: Last time I ask nicely, *smack* who sent you?
Assassin spits in his face.
Wanderer: Well, tried to do it the nice way he's all yours Garen.  Shoulda played along guy, you know what they say about male channelers right?  They are just the Kuhwaaaayziest peoples.

The assassin blanched for the first time but still remained silent.  My character stepped up to him and without saying a word he simply wove a high level Warmth weave targeting the air around the assassins face.  He stayed silent at first, then he squirmed as it heated up, finally he screamed as his skin started to crisp and blacken.  Then I did another weave to heal him all, all nice and shiny.

Me: Name.
Assassin.  I...  I don't know!

Repeat the above process.

Me: Name!
Assassin:  I don't know!  He never gave us a name!

Repeat the above process.

Me: Anyone else think it's starting to smell like roast pork?
Assassin: Senseless gibbering.
Me: See, still not a name...

Repeat.

Assassin:  Alright!  I'll talk I'll talk, I'll do anything!  Just keep this bastard away from me please!
Me: Give me something to work with and it stops.

The assassin proceeded to tell us everything he knew about his boss, the man who hired his boss, and plans for the next ambush waiting for us in case his group failed.

My fellows and I made sure he was all healed and cleaned up, and made like we were innocent as the day we were born.  When our compatriots came back our Wanderer regaled them with this tale of how he slipped his bonds and escaped his captors only to follow them to their fellows (All a bald faced lie but it conveniently explained how we knew about the ambush ahead) before making his way back to camp.  Our Aes Sedai NPC noticed the assassin behaving oddly anytime I looked his way (See: sobbing and flinching.).  We all just smiled and shrugged.

Our DM joked that we were all terrible, terrible people and that we should feel horrible for what we did.  Our response: hey, it got the job done right?
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by Kris Smith on Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:30 pm

I don't know about stories, but there are The Rules of RPG Playing. I don't remember the rest of them, but the first rule will stick with me forever.
The First Rule of RPG Playing: Kill the wizard first.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by The Themysciran on Wed Jul 29, 2015 10:21 pm

Geek the mage, there's no such thing as a milkrun, and don't make deals with dragons.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by Aeryl on Thu Jul 30, 2015 7:13 pm

Never split the party!
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by WheelchairNinja on Wed Aug 05, 2015 7:15 pm

I haven't played many RPGs, but I do listen to a bunch of different podcasted games. In one Call of Cthulhu game the players survived for months, and at the very end of the campaign they knew exactly which day the cultists would summon the Big Bad on the Giza Plateau. They planned to interrupt the ritual when it started, but they didn't know the exact time. The GM asked when they were getting up that morning, and they said 8:00 AM. "Are you sure?" "Yes," said the players, who'd obviously never seen this motivational poster. They were awoken in their hotel room by the roar of the monster destroying the city, because the Ancient Egyptian ritual had taken place at dawn...
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by zanite on Sat Aug 08, 2015 2:47 pm

I haven't got any tabletop stories of my own to share unfortunately, but WheelchairNinja reminded me of a story about a character who 'won'  Call of Cthulhu (1d4 Chan link)
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

Post by mysterycycle on Wed Aug 26, 2015 12:31 am

I'm afraid most of my RPG stories are horror stories about players wanting to do terrible things and GMs being not very good at their jobs.

Like the player of the "heroic" Paladin who, when approached by the Elven Princess who impressed upon him the importance of their quest, asked me, "Can I kiss her?" I replied that, given the fact that they had only just met a few minutes before, she would be surprised by it. His response: "Can I kill her, then?"

And the DM who arrived twenty minutes late to the convention D&D game I had paid to play in, rushed us through the tournament adventure, got frustrated if we took longer than five seconds to figure out a puzzle and just told us the solution, and failed to inform us that prizes would be awarded at the end of the day for Best Roleplaying, Best Problem Solvers, Most Effective Adventurers, and so on...which we were rendered ineligible for anyway since we were forced to play the adventure as a speed-run. Spoiled me on the idea of attending game conventions for twenty years. I'm better now, though - I went to a great one this summer.

Not that I've only had bad experiences; quite the opposite. It's just that the bad experiences convinced me of the need to play with people who were looking to get the same thing out of the game that I was.
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Re: Share your Table top RPG stories

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