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Game of Thrones s5 finale (spoilers)

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Post by aesta Sun Jun 14, 2015 7:27 pm

Finale time! Boy, am I ever ready for this season to be over with! Let's see what fresh hell D&D have in store for us tonight.

***

At Camp Stannis, it's a bright new day after buring Shireen alive, and the snows are melting! But half Stannis's men deserted in the night and took his remaining supplies, and someone discovers Selyse's hanged corpse. Stannis and his remaining forces then march on down to Winterfell in the span of, like, ten minutes. Ssssso. What was the point of burning Shireen alive, again? It seems to have done exactly nothing for the plot, or Stannis's arc. Cool. Cool cool cool.

At Winterfell, Sansa finally picks the lock on her room and lights a candle in the tower, a second too late for Brienne to see, as Brienne has already headed out to meet Stannis's army. Speaking of which, the full force of the Boltons ride out to meet him, and half of his remaining half an army flees in terror, leaving the remaining quarter to be completely wiped out. Brienne confronts a drying Stannis about Renly's murder, and executes him for it. What a lazily-written waste of an amazing character. Meanwhile, Myranda tracks down Sansa and threatens to go full Ramsay on her. Sansa stands her ground, and Theon throws Myranda over a railing to her death just as the Bolton army returns. Sansa and Theon jump off the outer walls of Winterfell.

In Braavos, we're treated to a lovely scene of that creep pedophile Meryn Trant whipping a group of young girls with a bloodied switch until they cry out in pain. One of them doesn't cry out in pain, because one of them is a change-faced Arya. She pulls off her disguise and stabs him through both eyes, and also all over his body a whole bunch while she monologues creepily about her list before slitting his throat. "Do you know who I am? I'm Arya Stark. Do you know who you are? You're no one. Nothing." (Someone needs to teach Arya about cultural appropriation. e___e) Back at the House of Black and White - a debt is owed to the Many-Faced God for Meryn's murder, so Jaqen poisons himself. He re-appears behind a grieving Arya, who pulls a ton of faces off the dead body until she finds her own, and suddenly goes blind.

In Dorne, Jaime, Bronn, Myrcella, and Trystane depart for Westeros, with a goodbye kiss from Ellaria to Myrcella, and a "You want the good girl, but you need the bad pussy" (actual line) from Tyene to Bronne. Unsurprisingly, I continue to hate everything that TV Dorne chooses to be. Jaime has a heart-to-heart with Myrcella and almost tells her that he's her dad, but Myrcella stops him because she already knows somehow, and they have a nice hug. It's a really warm moment that is ruined when Myrcella starts to bleed from her nose - turns out Ellaria kissed her with poison. Back on the docks, Ellaria takes the antidote, and stalks off with the Sand Snakes. UUUUUUUUUUUGH.

Over in Meereen, everyone's hanging out without Dany. All the men get in a pissing contest over who should go rescue her (ugh). Tyrion, Missandei, and Grey Worm are left in charge of running the city while Jorah and Daario ride off to rescue their Queen from her dragon (uuuuuuugh). Varys arrives just in time to help Tyrion govern, and they have a quippy little greeting moment.

Off in the wilds someplace that looks more like the Highlands than a desert, Dany pleads with Drogon to head home while Drogon proceeds to nap and totally ignore her, not unlike my dog. Dany wanders off to find food - not unlike me - and is promptly surrounded by a massive group of Dothraki riders.

In King's Landing, church jail is not treating Cersei well, and she decides to confess to sleeping with Lancel. The High Sparrow declares that she should still face trial, but will be allowed to return to the Red Keep after she atones for her sin. A group of nuns roughly wash her and chop off her hair, and Cersei walks naked back to the Keep as angry crowds hurl various abuses at her, including curses, food, spit, and their own naked bodies (including one penis! THERE'S FINALLY A PENIS YOU GUYS). Lena Headey does an amazing job of looking regal, pissed, terrified, and broken, all at once, all while naked. Maester Qyburn is the first to welcome her, and presents her with his creepy FrankenMountain, whereupon Cersei dons her plotting murder face.

Up at The Wall, Jon fills Sam in on the giant white walker battle and they share a bro moment over Sam losing the V. Way to selectively enforce your order's vows, Jon. Sam heads off to Oldtown with Gilly and the baby so he can train to be a maester. Davos pleads with Jon for supplies as Melisandre arrives back at the Wall. If everything is so close by, then why were they worried about supplies in the first place?! How the hell is Melisandre arriving back at the Wall the very first time Davos is even speaking to Jon about supplies?! This show can't even respect its own internal logic. Good night. Later, Olly the Walking Plot Device tells Jon that one of the wildlings claims to know where Benjen is, and leads him to a group of men and a wooden cross emblazoned with the word "TRAITOR". Jon gets stabbed in the gut four times before Olly makes his move, stabbing Jon a fifth time, leaving Jon to bleed out in the snow.

***

THE END. DEAR LORD. I am definitely not watching next season. What a disaster. Can't wait to hear what y'all thought of this particularly special episode and its manifold bounty.
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Post by Jeff B Sun Jun 14, 2015 10:28 pm

This episode was a joke. A bad, predictable joke.

What a waste of an interesting story. They wasted ASOIAF, plain and simple.

Where to even begin?

First, I was personally done when they felt they had to show us Meryn Trant again. WE. GET. IT. He's bad. The whole scene wreaked of "Look! Abuse of children! But don't worry, that meanie gets stabbed a bunch of time REALLY painfully, so it's okay". Bullshit. Arya's whole arc this season was so...minuscule. And redundant.

Barely anything happened. She sweeped, she got some pseudo-philosophical platitudes thrown at her, she watched people die, she saw a bad man, she killed him. Almost none of that was enjoyable to watch. Or entertaining.

Stannis- or Stainis as I shall call him. Where to begin with him? What a waste of an interesting character. He had little plot this season as well (but he never has much plot, it's always him brooding for eight/nine episodes and then him doing something in the last two, one of which is an EVIL action because Stannis is EVIL, see?).

Again, we have a case where I'm glad Stannis got killed (though we didn't see it...any significance to that do you think?), not because I like that plot development, but because it means his horrid excuse for a plotline is over.

Oh and Brienne having no development over the Stannis thing and abandoning her mission to protect Sansa is just awful on so many levels from a character and storytelling perspective.

Winterfell. What happened there? Are Sansa and Theon dead? If yes, what was the point of that entire plot? If no, how in the Seven Hells does Myranda die from falling off that...walkway or whatever (too angry to use specific terminology), but Theon and Sansa are fine after jumping off the castle walls?

Dorne. Didn't think I could hate this plotline more. But look! It is revealed that "the evil deceitful brown people killed the pretty white princess" after all! Which sounds like something out of some racist/imperialist 19th century adventure novel. But that's the plot development they went with.

And it's the dumbest action ever by the way, because, well, Jaime has Trystane now. So Ellaria is okay with him dying? I guess. Again, more racist bullshit from this plotline: "foreigners are unrelentingly evil, lie, and scheme", at least that's the underlying message of the whole Dorne plotline in my opinion. And that line from Tyene. What. The. Hell? Did D&D get some horny teenager to write this? Silly me, I forgot, they ARE horny teenagers trapped in adult bodies.

And love how Jaime's speech to Myrcella basically admits it's bad and cliched writing.

The Mereen scene was basically another dull "Tyrion iz so awesum and witty guys! But he can't fight lol". And the whole "let's go save Dany" thing. Yeah, real original plotline there.

And Varys FINALLY showed up! Somehow. Whatever. I don't care anymore.

King's Landing. Great acting from Lena Headey. And yay penis (but it in no way equalizes all the random nude women the show has thrown at us in the past and how they've been presented in a sexual context all of the time, whereas here it's like "ew", or at least I think that is the intended reaction).

I also swore I saw two penises. I saw one from the guy who's like "Durr! I'm a guy" (don't even remember what he said, but he exposes himself to her) and one from an overhead view of the crowd, whose just some random naked guy (think he shouts something). Might be the same guy though, I don't know.

Dany scene has no weight due to no Mago. It's just random Dothraki.

And Jon. RIP. Your plot was always fun. Only thing I still liked about the show at least somewhat. Melisandre might bring you back, but it will make no sense and be so random and out of context.

Don't see myself watching next season. After I've read ALL the books, then I may watch it for the lulz and MST3K it with some hopefully like-minded friends. But otherwise, nope.

Oh, and if D&D claim all of this happens in the books: bull with a side of shit. Wouldn't believe them.

Oh and Kit apparently said in EW he's not coming back next season: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

And D&D further clarified: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
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Post by WheelchairNinja Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:27 am

So that's it, right? They're now 1000% caught up with the books and (short of Winds of Winter being published in the next nine mon--Hahahahahaha, sorry I couldn't get through that with a straight face Very Happy ) from here on out it's all gonna be either stuff the writers made up themselves or spoilers Martin's told the producers about future books?
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Post by Aeryl Mon Jun 15, 2015 4:58 am

I called that Brienne would abandon Sansa when she found out about Stannis at the beginning of the season, so there was no tension for me.

For all the claims that Sansa's rape was setting her up for a moment of awesomeness, no.  She does the same thing Jeyne does, flee with Theon(after standing up to Myranda and WHY couldn't she have done that with Ramsay?), and this time they don't even have Stannis' army to take refuge in, so Ramsay's going to find them in about five minutes, right?  So much for getting vengeance on the Boltons.

North of Mereen looks like Ireland.

Killing Myrcella now makes me hate Ellaria.  It was just so stupid, totally made Doran look stupid and ineffective.  

And I don't buy any of the bullshit about Jon not coming back.  They may be fudging, being honest that Jon won't come back next season, because it'll take that long to bring him back, but he's not dead.

Oh, and I HATE, that they made the "Make Sam a Maester" story Sam's!
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Post by aesta Mon Jun 15, 2015 8:39 am

Jeff B wrote:Again, we have a case where I'm glad Stannis got killed (though we didn't see it...any significance to that do you think?), not because I like that plot development, but because it means his horrid excuse for a plotline is over.
Maybe they'll bring him back as Lady Stoneheart.

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Post by Dave_Too Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:32 am

WheelchairNinja wrote:So that's it, right? They're now 1000% caught up with the books and (short of Winds of Winter being published in the next nine mon--Hahahahahaha, sorry I couldn't get through that with a straight face Very Happy ) from here on out it's all gonna be either stuff the writers made up themselves or spoilers Martin's told the producers about future books?

Oh c'mon! GRRM totally swears v6 will be out before s6; he's even going to quit going to cons until it is!

He wouldn't mislead us, would he?

Seriously, though...the producers are unlikely to have a finished volume in hand when s6 is being shot, no matter what happens, just whatever draft info GRRM has given them.
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Post by ojibray Mon Jun 15, 2015 4:57 pm

Just a quick note about the whole jumping off the Winterfell wall.  We already know that Stannis was stranded on the way down to Winterfell by a large amount of snow (because you know, Winter is Coming).  So that means that it would be fresh snow.  Since it appears to have been rather cold, the snow would be the fluffy kind of snow that is perfect for snowboarding (so I've heard).

Myranda fell onto a cobblestone pathway, which would not provide much of a cushion at all, thus the splat.  If you look just before Sansa and Theon/Reek jump, they show that they are falling onto snow.

So, when Sansa and Theon/Reek jump off the wall, they are going to land (sometime next season) in several feet of white, fluffy powdery snow that will have a thin crust (because of the brief warming caused by Shireen's sacrifice Evil or Very Mad ) of melted snow on top.  The key will be how much snow there is.  Having jumped from a few roofs in my time, it really doesn't take that much snow to cushion your fall.  Jumping from ten foot high roof into 4 foot of snow is quite manageable.  So, assume the wall is 40 feet high... if the snow is 16 feet deep (not unreasonable considering Winter is Coming, and drifting from the wind), they could survive the drop.  

Now, the fun part is trying to dig yourself out of a huge snowbank while a man who is already crazy is now looking for you for killing one of his favorite playthings.
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Post by Dave_Too Mon Jun 15, 2015 5:31 pm

ojibray wrote:Just a quick note about the whole jumping off the Winterfell wall.  We already know that Stannis was stranded on the way down to Winterfell by a large amount of snow (because you know, Winter is Coming).  So that means that it would be fresh snow.  Since it appears to have been rather cold, the snow would be the fluffy kind of snow that is perfect for snowboarding (so I've heard).

Myranda fell onto a cobblestone pathway, which would not provide much of a cushion at all, thus the splat.  If you look just before Sansa and Theon/Reek jump, they show that they are falling onto snow.

So, when Sansa and Theon/Reek jump off the wall, they are going to land (sometime next season) in several feet of white, fluffy powdery snow that will have a thin crust (because of the brief warming caused by Shireen's sacrifice Evil or Very Mad ) of melted snow on top.  The key will be how much snow there is.  Having jumped from a few roofs in my time, it really doesn't take that much snow to cushion your fall.  Jumping from ten foot high roof into 4 foot of snow is quite manageable.  So, assume the wall is 40 feet high... if the snow is 16 feet deep (not unreasonable considering Winter is Coming, and drifting from the wind), they could survive the drop.  

Now, the fun part is trying to dig yourself out of a huge snowbank while a man who is already crazy is now looking for you for killing one of his favorite playthings.

Winterfell's walls are 80' (outer) and 100' (inner).  It appears they were jumping from the higher inner wall.  While a deep enough pile of fluffy snow would safely cushion their landing, I'm not sure the show has given them enough snow.

While the books gave Winterfell and Stannis literally crushing depths of snow, the TV show hardly drops anything on them.  I can't even understand why it brought Stannis to a full stop.  The scenes of Winterfell don't show anything near the depths described in the book.  We're talking snow that would still be measured in inches, not the many feet in the source material.

I know D&D will find a way to write around that.  They will likely just ignore the landing and give us Sansa and Theon unscathed.
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Post by WheelchairNinja Mon Jun 15, 2015 6:52 pm

Dave_Too wrote:
ojibray wrote:Just a quick note about the whole jumping off the Winterfell wall.  We already know that Stannis was stranded on the way down to Winterfell by a large amount of snow (because you know, Winter is Coming).  So that means that it would be fresh snow.  Since it appears to have been rather cold, the snow would be the fluffy kind of snow that is perfect for snowboarding (so I've heard).

Myranda fell onto a cobblestone pathway, which would not provide much of a cushion at all, thus the splat.  If you look just before Sansa and Theon/Reek jump, they show that they are falling onto snow.

So, when Sansa and Theon/Reek jump off the wall, they are going to land (sometime next season) in several feet of white, fluffy powdery snow that will have a thin crust (because of the brief warming caused by Shireen's sacrifice Evil or Very Mad ) of melted snow on top.  The key will be how much snow there is.  Having jumped from a few roofs in my time, it really doesn't take that much snow to cushion your fall.  Jumping from ten foot high roof into 4 foot of snow is quite manageable.  So, assume the wall is 40 feet high... if the snow is 16 feet deep (not unreasonable considering Winter is Coming, and drifting from the wind), they could survive the drop.  

Now, the fun part is trying to dig yourself out of a huge snowbank while a man who is already crazy is now looking for you for killing one of his favorite playthings.

Winterfell's walls are 80' (outer) and 100' (inner).  It appears they were jumping from the higher inner wall.  While a deep enough pile of fluffy snow would safely cushion their landing, I'm not sure the show has given them enough snow.

While the books gave Winterfell and Stannis literally crushing depths of snow, the TV show hardly drops anything on them.  I can't even understand why it brought Stannis to a full stop.  The scenes of Winterfell don't show anything near the depths described in the book.  We're talking snow that would still be measured in inches, not the many feet in the source material.

I know D&D will find a way to write around that.  They will likely just ignore the landing and give us Sansa and Theon unscathed.

I don't have much experience with jumping from tall heights, but if Assassin's Creed games have taught me anything it's that you call fall from almost *any* height as long as there's a small pile of hay to catch you! Very Happy

But seriously, TV hardly every cares about physics, so there's no point saying "they couldn't possibly have survived that fall!" If the producers want them to survive, they will.
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Post by Jeff B Mon Jun 15, 2015 7:06 pm

aesta wrote:
Jeff B wrote:Again, we have a case where I'm glad Stannis got killed (though we didn't see it...any significance to that do you think?), not because I like that plot development, but because it means his horrid excuse for a plotline is over.
Maybe they'll bring him back as Lady Stoneheart.

e__________________e

Oh gosh, laughing right now. Regular Stannis is already perpetually pissed-off 110%, so I can't imagine how pissed an Undead Stannis would act...:p

But I wouldn't put it past them to take any opportunity they can to take away a female character's plotline or place in the story. Sad
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Post by littlethingsthatmatter Tue Jun 16, 2015 1:31 am

Jeff B wrote:
First, I was personally done when they felt they had to show us Meryn Trant again. WE. GET. IT. He's bad. The whole scene wreaked of "Look! Abuse of children! But don't worry, that meanie gets stabbed a bunch of time REALLY painfully, so it's okay". Bullshit. Arya's whole arc this season was so...minuscule. And redundant.

Barely anything happened. She sweeped, she got some pseudo-philosophical platitudes thrown at her, she watched people die, she saw a bad man, she killed him. Almost none of that was enjoyable to watch. Or entertaining.

Stannis- or Stainis as I shall call him. Where to begin with him? What a waste of an interesting character. He had little plot this season as well (but he never has much plot, it's always him brooding for eight/nine episodes and then him doing something in the last two, one of which is an EVIL action because Stannis is EVIL, see?).


See,that's what I don't get about people defending violence against women in the show as realistic because "it's a bad world".
In the book,the grey morality is clear because there isn't a distinct line between "good people" and "bad people".
The show on the other hand,has established a heroes/villains dichtomie by whitewashing sympathetic characters loved by the viewers and portaying less sympathetic ones as plain evil.And the villains always end up being punished,which is kinda the opposite of showing "how unfair things are"

I'm not surprised they killed Myrcella of,I think she and Tommen are going to die in TWOW anyway since they have to die before Cersei. I just don't see why the had to change the whole Dorne plot and recast her part.

About Jon Snow being dead,I suppose that's them having to work around the fact that they don't seem to be able to plan more than one season ahead.If you know you want more than 8 seasons and already have 7,don't give your main cast contracts for 6 seasons. I expect them to kill of more main characters next season.
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Post by aesta Tue Jun 16, 2015 8:52 am

Some more great points I found on this awesome tumblr:

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Post by Dave_Too Tue Jun 16, 2015 10:12 am

littlethingsthatmatter wrote:

About Jon Snow being dead,I suppose that's them having to work around the fact that they don't seem to be able to plan more than one season ahead.If you know you want more than 8 seasons and already have 7,don't give your main cast contracts for 6 seasons. I expect them to kill of more main characters next season.

Well, this is GoT; if they haven't burned the corpse, the "dead" can be miraculously reanimated.

According to [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] last October, the principal cast members (Cersei, Jaime, Tyrion, Jon, Daenarys) were already signed for 6 seasons.  Last year they renegotiated their pay for seasons 5 and 6, and gave HBO an option for a 7th season.

It would seem that, contractually at least, there is no reason for Jon Snow to die just yet.  Whether D&D decide to completely finish him off remains to be seen.  Sure they and Harrington say he's dead, but as Miracle Max says, " It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive."

The show and the books have multiple teasers about a future Jon Snow arc, and there are GoT-universe-plausible ways to have him back on his feet for season 6.  However, none of that is plot armor; he may have been sacrificed so that we can spend a good chunk of season 6 in anticipation of the Kingsmoot.
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Post by littlethingsthatmatter Tue Jun 16, 2015 3:42 pm

It would have been gratuitous. You really got a sense that Stannis had nothing else to live for. Brienne’s lifelong mission had come to an end. It’s a situation in which Stannis was ready to die and prepared to die. — Director David Nutter to Variety on why we didn’t see Stannis’s death. wrote:

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Post by Aeryl Tue Jun 16, 2015 5:56 pm

It would have been gratutious??????

*flips tables*

*flies double birds*

*drops pants and moons people*
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Post by ojibray Wed Jun 17, 2015 10:46 am

I was going to post a gif of Inigo Montoya's classic "you keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means"

But I kept banging my head on the keyboard in disgust and ruining the coding... Evil or Very Mad
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Post by Dave_Too Wed Jun 17, 2015 12:54 pm

ojibray wrote:I was going to post a gif of Inigo Montoya's classic "you keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means"

But I kept banging my head on the keyboard in disgust and ruining the coding... Evil or Very Mad

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Post by Jeff B Wed Jun 17, 2015 5:23 pm

littlethingsthatmatter wrote:
Jeff B wrote:
First, I was personally done when they felt they had to show us Meryn Trant again. WE. GET. IT. He's bad. The whole scene wreaked of "Look! Abuse of children! But don't worry, that meanie gets stabbed a bunch of time REALLY painfully, so it's okay". Bullshit. Arya's whole arc this season was so...minuscule. And redundant.

Barely anything happened. She sweeped, she got some pseudo-philosophical platitudes thrown at her, she watched people die, she saw a bad man, she killed him. Almost none of that was enjoyable to watch. Or entertaining.

Stannis- or Stainis as I shall call him. Where to begin with him? What a waste of an interesting character. He had little plot this season as well (but he never has much plot, it's always him brooding for eight/nine episodes and then him doing something in the last two, one of which is an EVIL action because Stannis is EVIL, see?).


See,that's what I don't get about people defending violence against women in the show as realistic because "it's a bad world".
In the book,the grey morality is clear because there isn't a distinct line between "good people" and "bad people".
The show on the other hand,has established a heroes/villains dichtomie by whitewashing sympathetic characters loved by the viewers and portaying less sympathetic ones as plain evil.And the villains always end up being punished,which is kinda the opposite of showing "how unfair things are"

I'm not surprised they killed Myrcella of,I think she and Tommen are going to die in TWOW anyway since they have to die before Cersei. I just don't see why the had to change the whole Dorne plot and recast her part.

About Jon Snow being dead,I suppose that's them having to work around the fact that they don't seem to be able to plan more than one season ahead.If you know you want more than 8 seasons and already have 7,don't give your main cast contracts for 6 seasons. I expect them to kill of more main characters next season.

Yeah, the show is very black-and-white with how it handles characters. Thinking about it today I realized how evil they made Stannis overall and I'm just like, "wow that makes his death both satisfying and unsatisfying, because on the one hand he deserved it and on the other it was character assassination and I don't care that he's dead". It's very weird to me how the show constantly seems to play the tropes straight that the book series- from what I've heard - subverts.

My whole theory with Jon is that they're keeping him dead so they can cut him out of Season 6 like they did with Bran this season in order to be able to make room to new plots. Then in Season 7 he'll be resurrected like in the books.

I call BS on Stannis dying that way in the books though. He might die, but not in that way...it was just too...ridiculous. And out of character for almost everyone involved, especially from what I understand of their book characterizations.
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Post by Aeryl Thu Jun 18, 2015 6:11 am

Yeah, that's my guess too, is we're about to skip a whole season at the Wall, to make room for the Ironborn and Sam in Oldtown.

And your point about the black and whiteness of the show is made even clearer when you look at the whitewashing of Tyrion Lannister.
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Post by Kris Smith Fri Jun 19, 2015 9:54 am

Okay, I just watched the finale, and I have one question. Has Sansa actually ever done anything, or is she just a movie prop for others to use?
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Post by GeorgeT Fri Jun 19, 2015 10:45 am

Kris Smith wrote:Okay, I just watched the finale, and I have one question. Has Sansa actually ever done anything, or is she just a movie prop for others to use?
She's a prop who continues to be used as a prop for the purposes of being a prop. Whereas in the books she's a prop slowly discovering how to use her propiness as a pathway to agency.
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Post by Jeff B Fri Jun 19, 2015 5:52 pm

Aeryl wrote:Yeah, that's my guess too, is we're about to skip a whole season at the Wall, to make room for the Ironborn and Sam in Oldtown.  

And your point about the black and whiteness of the show is made even clearer when you look at the whitewashing of Tyrion Lannister.

Yeah, reading gotgifsandmusings I have an idea now of how/who/what book-Tyrion is actually like, and he seems more of a grey character (and in that sense more interesting/complex/layered) and not this Gary Stu-ish guy who goes around mansplaining and talking his way out of everything (can we at least have some variation? Somebody else talk HIM out of a situation for once?).

And I like that better I think.
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Post by rickbman Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:47 am

Oh man... probably should have read the rest of the thread before posting that link. It has already been discussed. Sorry guys.
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